The Art of Body Shaming, Shame On You! (And shame on me too....)

I am a big girl, I have been a bigger girl almost all my life and I doubt I will ever be below a size 12. I have lived with the fat jokes and teasing for being fat for as long as I can remember. I used to say, "Real women have curves" and "No one wants a boney woman" How wrong I was! I could only see from my side of view where being overweight has been a large source of unhappiness to me, and when I would hear skinny people complain about needing to lose weight, instead of asking what is making them feel that way, I would just scoff and whisper that they have no right to say that. Again, so very, very wrong.

So I was guilty after all these years of being just as cruel as others but I felt justified in how I felt. I didn't see how it was wrong, I mean they always make fun of me and I just know they are thinking about how fat I am right? Yeah, maybe a few but not everyone.

Then I had a realisation, an epiphany if you. People are going to be unhappy with their bodies no matter how they look. There is a small percentage of people who would not change a thing about their appearance and not every part of our appearance is by choice. Just like some people gain weight very easily, some people can't gain weight and lose weight too easy. Just because I would rather be skinnier, does that give me the right to put them down? No it does not!

We seem to forget that the people we talk down to, the ones we either say "Have a cheeseburger" or "Put down your fork and walk a bit" have feelings too and telling them this is NOT going to make them change just because you said so, it is going to hurt them and sometimes make their situation worse. Maybe they will give up and not even try anymore. Maybe they will wait until you are not around and cry.

What needs to change is this idea that you  can guess a person's health by their size. Not all fat people are unhealthy, not all skinny people are healthy. Not all fat people binge eat constantly and not all skinny people eat nothing at all. Unless you are them, you really have no right to say what they do or what they don't do. If you are not their Doctor then you can not say they are not healthy. Until we stop this discrimination nothing will get better.

So I will leave you with this thought, if you want to think about someone, think of how you would feel in their shoes and maybe, just maybe it will help change your way of thinking a little.

Life Lessons We Need and The Changes We Need To Make

We live in a world where status and image are everything. If you do not live a certain way, look a certain way or think a certain way you are wrong, shunned and just put down.

Miss Representation is a perfect example of what we need to be more aware of. We like to think we are a more advanced civilization with a better life for everyone, that is definitely not the truth. I almost feel like either I was blind or just not paying attention. Well I can say I have seen the light. I never realised just how bad it is for women before.

 

Recently I had decided to write an article on the best and the worst of Disney and Cartoon Princesses after an eye opening viewing of Thumbellina. Thumbelina is a ditzy girl whose entire self worth is based on how others see her. If they say she is beautiful she is happy and will do anything, even marry to please them and be taken care of. How do I know this? She almost marries because she is lost and helpless and says "he can take care of me". When she is told she is ugly her whole world falls apart and she has to be reassured that she is physically beautiful to feel better. She takes one look at the fairy prince and it is "love" at first sight. When a young girl sees this she is going to believe that her entire worth is based on how they look and the man they marry.

When I was in school so many conversations revolved around makeup, beauty, fashion and sex. I would see these girls who are half dressed and talk about sex and boys. There is no talk about what school they want to go to, or what they want to do for careers, they don't care about that. I always felt out of the loop and wondered what was wrong with me that I just didn't care about that stuff. I was proud to not wear makeup and I was proud of not following them, but I felt very lonely. I always felt bad that I didn't look like them or think like them. I wanted to, I tried to, but I gave up quickly. I wish I knew then what I know how. What others think of me does not define my self worth. I choose to do things or think things for me, and only me now, not perfectly but I am working on it. I may not be 100% happy with myself, but I am making huge strides and my self esteem is higher than it has ever been in my life and it is based on who I am on the INSIDE which is something I didn't think would happen. I used to joke about how the world was becoming more like Idiocracy, getting really dumb and over sexualized. The sad thing is how true it is.

We as women really need to help each other and stop bringing each other down. I have been feeling this for quite awhile and said it a couple times, now I need to start shouting it. We will never make a difference if we stand by and accept things for the way they are. We also need to stop this ridiculous idea that if a woman does not want to get married and have children that there is something wrong with her. There is nothing that says a woman HAS to have children or a family and the choice is not because she is a bitch or horrible. Maybe she, like some men, just want a career over family. If it's ok for men, then why is it not ok for women?

Until we change these ideas or at least try, it is never going to change. I may not be able to change the world, but I am going to do what I can to change me, and with any luck inspire change in those around me for the better.

 

If I could leave this entry with a thought, or anything it would be to start thinking for yourself and stop relying on what others think you should be.

Also this moment of happy!